So, I will just start off by admitting I have the HONOR here at the CONROY household to officially hold the title of “The MEANEST MOM EVER.” (I think I may have shared this before? LOL!!)

Oh yes, I laugh now, but it’s been so true!! Or at least I told my kids that years ago. (You know, when I “tortured” them to eat cherries over a box of Lucky Charms — a sure sign of pure parental neglect.) 🙂

But it was a phrase that I started saying as I began to enforce and instruct ideas and concepts that, well, didn’t always “feel great” at the front end for the kids, but I KNEW in the long run? Would lead to awesome growth and goals for them … for life!

SO, yes, aren’t I just the shining example of perfect parental practices?? 😉

Well, actually, NO!! LOL! The root of this technique of parenting was really emulated, aimed for and explained to me by my all-wise…

Bald-headed husband. Sigh. (He is so cute! And I am so not kidding. 😉

Yes, it’s true he IS bald. 🙂 But it is also true that he is the man behind many parenting “successes” we have had (especially as for a few years, I “unknowingly unplugged” as a parent as I dug into service and ministry and such, though THAT is another story for another time). 🙂

But Darin?? HE is the man leading on the little people. And he is oh-so-wise in ALL our eyes, pretty much all the time. But there was one time I really questioned his methods, and it all began a number of years ago….

Back to when one of our kids, who will remain nameless — even though he is super cute and blonde and dirty and smelly 🙂 — was only 4, and he was SO scared for the year-end preschool wrap-up assembly concert. And I mean that for REAL. He was full-on fully terrified because for a full week prior to it, he CRIED. And I don’t just mean a light tear or two, but BAWLING just thinking about going to the front of the stage to sing that final wrap-up song.

So, just what should we as good parents DO??

Well, back then, I really waffled on what that answer was. I mean, he WAS practically having a brain aneurysm, so full of anxiety about this event, stressed even THINKING about taking this action. And so, we better NOT make him go, right??

WRONG!

Nope, my oh-so-wise husband went against what I thought, what my mother-in-law said, even opposite to what the perfect parenting book wrote, and declared, “Hmmm, what is REALLY going on here??” And, well, it seemed it boiled down to a strong case of IRRATIONAL FEAR.

Yes. The fear this kid had? Well, Darin realized that it was 100% IRRATIONAL to be so scared to stand on a stage, and if he allowed our son to choose avoidance reactions to that fear, well, he may end up being “scared of any stage” for the rest of his life, totally growing more and more fearful of something that he doesn’t really have to — or maybe, better said, needs to learn to adapt to.

And so we, mean as mean can be, yes, we forced HIM to head up there. And as anyone who was there that night knows, he stood and cried dozens of silent tears for the whole 20 seconds of their song. And yet, at the end, proved his own head wrong, and he’s a bit wiser, DAD, right, ‘cause somehow he SURVIVED and lived … to sing another night.

REALLY?? Yes, really. The very next chance and opportunity to step on stage, his DAD sent him, and there our son went with his group, still super FULL of the FEAR … and he begged and began to cry. And, well, this time just what did Darin CHOOSE to do??

PROVE to our son that this fear was STILL irrational. And so, up he went to begin to sing ever so slightly (or maybe, more correctly said, silently). 🙂

And again, the next performance that came along? UP he went but with, oh my, what is that? NO tears at all and maybe a wee start of a smile.

And again, and again, and again … up and up he went … until??? Well, last year, guess WHO was one of the STARS of the Christmas Concert?? You guessed it, there he was, sure, still smelly, 🙂 but oh-so smiling in his soul as he CHOSE to sign up to take on one of the lead roles.

And so, just what is the GOLDEN takeaway we learned as a family from our “golden boy” that so applies straight from the GOLDEN BOOK of GOD?

YOU gotta “PROVE to IMPROVE.”

Yup, just like my little man, sometimes I just have to face the IRRATIONAL FEARS and PROVE to my head and heart that not everything I think, whether it is an action, person, decision or emotion I think will KILL me, hurt me, harm me, or leave me hopeless and alone actually WILL.

And I’ve learned over time that maybe at “best,” it has been just as “bad” as I think. But more likely, and as the stats say 95% of the time, it is only way better than I was ever DREADING or dreaming it would be.

And so, the principle of “PROVING to yourself” with GOALS to IMPROVE and REMOVE those irrational FEARS boils down to the simple BIBLE truth of… 

Sometimes, you just straight up gotta OBEY what your FATHER has to say (John 14:23) and choose to follow the faith actions HIS book lays out, even if they are the opposite of what YOUR head feels and fears … until you move from barely ENDURING the action, to fully EMBRACING the action, to learning to ENLARGE the action and then finally, wonder of wonders, maybe even ENJOYING the action!!!

And so, yes, I now have a son who is just as crazy onstage as I am. 🙂 But the best lesson we both learned isn’t how to sing, dance or speak onstage. Instead, it’s the bigger secret to true life change — taking on the challenge to CHOOSE to begin bravely FACING IRRATIONAL FEARS (those ones coming from between our ears) and PROVE them wrong, one new “act” at a time, until HIS FACTS are the only ones left behind.

Carol 😉

PS. Can you think of AND share any BIBLE stories that reflect this TRUTH? The one that comes to mind is about MOSES, a man who had to muscle up and step out, despite all his fears, to lead the people as GOD instructed him to. Any other ones come to mind for YOU? 😉