Good morning and WELCOME to the FIRST official introduction to the FIRST official woman (and in a few weeks, men too – who knew?? 😉 to share a piece of her story as to JUST HOW  she achieved TRUE PEACE – and now PURPOSE, in her life….Amama Joy Liere is a young, beautiful, faith-based woman with 2 small children (and one more on the way! 🙂 that I met at the Woman’s Workshop hosted at the end of April 2023,  in Sylvan Lake, AB.   

Amara, at the time, had been seeing multiple professionals to help her with her anxiety – and yet, nothing was leading her clearly into what was the “right” direction and “right” decisions ….But thru “Tackling her 10%” and working OUT the FEAR of JUDGMENT in her heart and soul? She has found the pathway to PEACE she was looking for, has become a TRUE Lord Led Leader, and is moving forward with PURPOSE and IMPACT for sure!…Even this week, Amara has been asked to speak at a local Women’s Event – which she is courageously eager and excited to do!…I am honored and pleased to Introduce to YOU her first written piece for me! ENJOY ladies!!

…..Carol 😉 

Write about what got me to peace.

What soul steps did I need to take? My mindset is different after three months of working with Carol.

Once you apply the concepts, it can work fast. Faster than you think. Go directly into the fear. My life is still chaotic and my heart can now rest towards peace.

1. Right thing. Right motive. Right order.
2. Risk Obey or DisObey.
3. Face Fear. Choose Courage. Build Brave.
4. Don’t waste the story. Use it for God’s Glory.

Right thing. Right motive. Right order.

Unconditional love: my deepest heartfelt desire. Keeping the harmony in the home.

Before meeting Carol, I was complicating my head space. It would be suitable to call it codependent, once used as a survival technique to parent-please. How could striving for unconditional love and connection possibility be wrong?

Love with a fear root is still a sin.

The motive was out of alignment. My subconscious motivation was attached to my worth via earning by receiving external validation. Specifically my fiancé, my mom and the “need” for approval from my stepdad. My fear root was fear of rejection, fear of judgment, fear of failure, specifically for the function of a healthy nuclear family unit.

I desired, above all, Johannes’ approval before God’s. Motivated by fear, simply I. Was. Scared.

I thought I was doing the “right thing.” I spent 16 hours a day for the first 3 months in the hospital away from our children in a city 3 hours away from our children to look after my fiancé in the hospital in critical condition.

I thought it was honorable to God to put my fiancé first. I didn’t know that it was motivated by my fear root. Subconsciously my icky 10 percent was driven by the desire for approval. The fear of rejection — from him and his family.

The devil is a liar. I believed 3 lies: the lie of control, the lie of performance and the lie of people-pleasing.

• The lie of control: that if I “earned my keep,” my partner would give me self-worth.
• The lie of performance: that if I continued to fully take care of all our responsibilities, our 2 children ages 1 and 3, his hospitalized medical care, our acreage, our business, etc., I would receive my self-worth.

Turns out the consequences of siding with fear of rejection was complete burnout, a mental breakdown, a feeling of hopelessness, resentment, betraying myself and rejecting myself.

I was suffocating the people I love; the fear was making me “needy” and “judgmental.” 

Worshipping idols made with my own hands.

The right thing is that I am worthy — I. Am. Enough. I don’t need to earn my rest.

Experiencing burnout was a gift, the consequence of running and panting after other gods — my fiancé. I thought my needs were lower on the list. I thought it was Johannes, then our children and then me.

I needed to put God’s oxygen mask on first!

Scariest thing about tackling my 10% was that what I thought I was doing right was wrong. No need to complicate it. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I am forgiven. God still loves me, gives me strength and dignity.

Face Fear. Choose Courage. Build Brave.

“Don’t be afraid. I will be with you and protect you. God directly told me what to do” (Jeremiah).

“God’s with me and will rescue me in my own fears.”

I. Am. Enough.

My new responsibility to counteract the consequences of keeping my pain in the dark is to undo, tear down, destroy, overthrow, build and plant. God wants to correct me because of his great love. It’s so comforting that I don’t need to reinvent the wheel.

As a parent myself, I can understand that I discipline because of the great love I have for my children. I’m motivated to correct and teach them — to disciple. I can understand that I was allowing my children to walk all over me.

I thought I was doing the right thing — my job is to give them roots of responsibility with consequences that can impact to teach them. To experience disappointment in order to build resilience, adaptability and creativity.

Saying no, creating boundaries — I have limits, checking in with God privately. Being direct and not walking on eggshells, being more comfortable with discomfort. Pushing through with the motive being relationship.

A big takeaway from working with Carol is that a friendship/relationship is about sharing dreams, desires AND fears. It’s my GIFT to share my vulnerabilities with the people I love. The consequence of (my fiancé) not accepting this gift is siding with the devil to separate, deceive and destroy.

Consequences like emotional affairs are common. I shared this with Johannes. Carol had brought it to my attention that this is the reality of what could happen. (As I’m writing this, navigating my family road trip and typing this out, the importance of being aware OF the actual consequences is a great motivator — the Lord says that the consequences that come from my own choices and actions bring punishment and shame.)

I told Johannes, “I don’t want to share my life with anyone else. I don’t share my fears with you to be annoying, nagging; I do this because I’m giving you an honorable gift. A connection. Intimacy.”

I. Desire. Our. Sacred. Connection.

“I am watching and will certainly carry out my plans” — I’m now addressing the fear head on.

“Don’t be afraid, for I will be with you and protect you” — facing my fears and bringing them into the light. Sharing my fears with my fiancé. Apologize to God and him for siding with the devil. Apologize to Johannes for being so needy. My icky 10 percent, where I get stuck, not being 100 percent authentic, admitting I. Am. Scared.

I. Feel. Rejected.

I left with the kids out of our house because I was scared and felt rejected. (“I will pronounce judgment on my people for deserting me.”)

I’m. Lonely.

I don’t want my head to drift and shift — I’m scared. I can choose not to participate in a relationship, but I’m not afraid. After I share and give the gift of intimacy, my job is done. Everything after that is a bonus. Then trust and hold on to God’s promise.

Risk Obey or DisObey.

If I’m living off of fear, I’m disobeying God. Moving past the uncomfortable. Intimacy with God and radically accepting myself. I shared with Johannes that I used to lie to receive intimacy. The power was appealing.

• Am I brave enough to bring all of me to the table?
• Am I willing to put on the full armor of God?
• Am I brave enough to seek God’s approval above Johannes’? The right people will honor me for this.

Living righteously is the capacity to have discernment. It’s a fear thought or it’s not.

I went on a family hike up to a waterfall. 5 km round trip with a 2- and 4-year-old and a fiancé who has been in recovery for 9 months out of the hospital. My motive was MY TURN: “I really enjoy hiking. My body is capable; it may not be one day. We are capable. Don’t take your talents and abilities for granted. Do it now; we only have a short time.”

Three months ago I wouldn’t have suggested this hike under these circumstances in order to make it more “comfortable” for the rest of the family. I was totally in my happy place, encouraging “Team Punters.”

As the 2-year-old was crying, the 4-year-old was whining and the fiancé was frustrated, I was telling the kids, “Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do for the people we love. It’s Mommy’s turn. Mommy loves and enjoys hiking. You can do it. You’re doing great! So beautiful out here.”

Johannes was really proud of his ability to finish the hike. “When we are scared or unsure we can do it, then try. Then we know we are capable and can do it. It’s good to challenge ourselves. That way we can grow. Now we know you can do this Veda-Joy. You did it!”

Carol has added scheduling in “Forced Family Fun,” the rule of not being allowed to complain until after we’re done. Will definitely add this rule in next time.

Also need to think about a family motto. Her family motto is “Know God, Impact Others.” I was thinking “Punters Pursue God’s loving strength” or “Punters pursue thy will be done.”

Simplifying the process… asking yourself the right questions:

• Where do I get stuck? Putting fear of rejection in the driver’s seat.
• What are the consequences? Mental breakdown, burnout, resentment, betraying myself.
• What’s my shame from my own actions and choices? Not feeling worthy.
• What’s my heartfelt desire? Unconditional love, a healthy nuclear family and a soul at rest.
• What are my responsibilities? Pushing against the fear, bringing it into the light, presenting them to God.
• What’s smelly? Lie of control, lie of people-pleasing and the lie of production.
• What’s the lesson? Long ago God broke the yoke of oppression; I just need to accept the gift.

Impact. Don’t waste the story. Use it for God’s glory.

Am I brave enough to bring ALL of me to the table?

My new definitions of:

FAILURE: Siding with the devil. Deceiving my fear, saying yes when my gut says no. Living in fear, making fear-based decisions.

HAPPY: Making risk-obeying decisions, pushing past the fear and being a Lord-led leader. Pursuing God’s approval.

SUCCESS: “Thy will be done” being aligned. “True success is a soul at rest.” Discernment between the devil’s deceiving lies and courageous brave decisions.

SATISFIED: The fix-it is listening and the five is sharing. That’s the challenge. I’m satisfied when I engage in a relationship with God first. He wants to correct me. He wants relationship. 

Satisfied is when I share my dreams, desires and fears with God first and spouse second. I am satisfied when I give the gift to be vulnerable. When I choose to bring the walls down and connect. Has nothing to do with the response. Only to do with the choice to be brave enough to bring all of me to the table. Honesty with God is satisfying. “I’m afraid.” “Thank you. “I’m sorry.” “I’m lonely.”

GROWTH: Risk obey or disobey. Trust that God always has his own best interests at heart. So my definition of growth is obedience. “I am watching and will certainly carry out my plans.” When I desert God, because of his great love, I can depend on him to correct me. My own choices and actions bring punishment and shame.

So my definition of growth is disciplining myself to devote time to bringing these challenges into the light, to rest in green pastures. Speaking my truth and not being afraid. If I don’t risk-obey, I disobey God — the consequence of that is the devil’s plan to destroy my life.

GOALS: Hold firm to the truth. Moving past the uncomfortable, radically accepting myself. Turning my pain into purpose. Seeking God’s approval. Face fear, choose courage and build brave. Even when life is chaotic, my soul is at rest in green pastures. Not wasting the story and using it for God’s glory.