So, I am not sure if you have ever had this happen in your life — or in my case, my marriage 🙂 — but it is a situation when “something” has occurred or happened and, well, BOTH parties were there, both saw it take place, both experienced it, and yet both parted ways with two totally different takes!

Does that resonate??! 

Well, IF you have ever been in any relationship, then you likely HAVE had this happen a few times with an extra “Heck, yeah, for sure!” 🙂 And IF you have been married for over 20 years, then maybe, just maybe, this “may” have happened … like once or twice in your lifetime … or so I have been told. 🙂

But seriously, this really has happened so many times in our marriage, through so many situations, and so when it does, how can we tell who was really “right” and who was really “wrong”??

Hmm, any guesses about that one out there??

Well, I think the answer, as always, begins and belongs in the MOTIVES of the people involved (since that is where it seems GOD always starts — straight to the heart). And, you know, I realize there is only ONE person’s MOTIVES I can contain and control, and guess whose they are? 

Mine.

And you know how often I had to look at those and recognized that a lot of MY motives were, well, RUSHED, reactionary, or really not necessary. Or how often I just “heard or saw” what I secretly (sometimes “unknowingly,” even to me!) wanted all along. And, well, no wonder my poor husband was CONFUSED about what really took place.

But other times, I was bang on and honest and open and building a case based on the TRUTH, and it was HE who was in the opposite position to erroneously RECEIVE and PERCEIVE what I had to say. Yup, it was his turn for his heart to be a bit rushed, or cranky, or crusty, or rusty … or???  The option list could go on and on….

And so, why even bring this up??

Well, I do because these types of situations keep coming up when I am chatting to people — how hard it is to have other people RECEIVE or PERCEIVE something you did or say in a totally different way than you ever wanted … or even meant … or ever intended. Ewww and OUCH.

And I get it — THAT is a super hard place to be. (As I said, I have been there before in the past 20 years — twice. OK, I am lying. How about 20 million??) 🙂

But it isn’t funny, and it isn’t fabulous. It hurts and is really hard to know how to respond. But, well, seems that healing all begins in the way GOD is always challenging us:

To look in OUR hearts and seek out what OUR MOTIVES are first. Hmmmm, how does that sound? Well, let’s take a peek in a passage from the Bible.

Yup, let’s look at what the disciples did in Acts 13, when all Paul had done was TRY to help, teach and preach to so many. He had poured his heart out for God’s good works, and yet, by verse 45, we see that there were still people in “high places” that did not agree with him, did not receive what he was saying was RIGHT, and plain up perceived it as WRONG. And then? These people actually began to ABUSE him.

And so, after a final explanation of what Paul was really trying to do (verses 46-50), they STILL did not PERCEIVE or RECEIVE what he BELIEVED as TRUTH. So Paul decided it was time to do something new, so he… 

“Shook the dust off his feet … and went on … and was filled with JOY and the HOLY SPIRIT” (verse 52).

Whoa!!! And oh??? So, okay, are you trying to say that sometimes we just gotta let go of what we can tell others are erroneously RECEIVING or PERCEIVING from us?? Even if they are missing our good motives, are misguided, or are just dead wrong??

Yup.

SO, I think I get it. If I know my MOTIVE is good and GODLY (and please don’t rush this part — it IS not always as easy to DO as it is to SAY when we tackle and test out our heart), but

1) once I do and it rings TRUE, and

2) I have attempted to explain again (like Paul), I believe and read it is now time for

3) me to move along to GOD’s next mission, and you know what??

Even if people do not agree with … enjoy me … appreciate me … heck, plain old LIKE me, the world will not fall apart.

And actually, it might bring ME (and others around me) a world of GOOD! ’Cause for acting and caring more for GOD’S concerns and commands, there are rewards waiting for me (verse 52), and who doesn’t want some Holy Spirit JOY!? 🙂

And so, I think I see the solution to these sticky situations when people are RECEIVING and PERCEIVING what we say or do or think as “wrong.” And it is not about endless anxiety or endless explaining, but actually being “OK” with being labelled wrong. As long as I know, but better yet, GOD does, my motives are right and rightly for HIM?? You can call me wrong, all day long, ‘cause my KING is more than OK with me. 🙂

Yup, like Paul, I just wanna be HIS light (verse 47). And I guess that means no matter who agrees, receives or perceives me to be, as long as I CHOOSE what HE says I am to “BELIEVE”?? THAT is good enough for me. Period.

Three options to choose where (or WHO??) I will “trust” to make me HAPPY: what people receive, what people perceive, or what GOD believes. And I know which one I will make my moves on. Care (or maybe, better said, “DARE”) to join me today??

Carol 🙂

1. Have you ever been in a situation like the one I described at the beginning of the blog? Does it happen very often? And mostly with whom? And how do you feel about the concept that each person’s heart motive makes a difference in what they “see or hear” has happened?

2. How do the words “receive and perceive” sound to you? Do you feel people receive and perceive you correctly or incorrectly? How much does it bother you if people see/hear you differently than you would like (scale out of 10, 10 is worst)? Who are the people whose opinion you care the most about? Why do you feel that is?

3. Are the above people important in your world? What makes you give that answer? Do you expect to know these people a year from now? 5 years? 10? Should that make a difference in how much their opinion matters? Or does the “WHY” behind why you care so much matter more?

4. How much do you BELIEVE what GOD knows or can see in your heart should decide if your actions are right or wrong? Is living off ONLY that even possible/probable/plausible?

5. Do you think you could find happiness/satisfaction/contentment if ONLY He knows or says you are making TRUTH-based choices? Hmmmm, think about that challenge: IF only GOD knew what was really going on inside of you, even if others said or reacted the opposite/in anger/in aggression/in abuse, how would you feel? Reply? Respond? Why would that be? Can you choose to change that? Why or why not?

6. ACTS and ACTION: Now, if you dare, read through Acts Chapters 13-19 and see how many times you can count Paul “reasoning” with people and sharing God’s truth, but having two different responses from different groups. (I think I counted 10!!) So what can you take away from that? What makes something TRUE? How people receive it? Perceive it? Or how GOD says we should BELIEVE it?

AS always, the CHOICE is up to you (and me too). 🙂

Carol 🙂